Toilet Rhyme

Just how do they do it?????  Men, how do men manage to splash so much around the toilet when having a wee?!? Not just the toilet bowl but on the top of the cistern too (not one of those old fashion types that are above head height of course (that I think look lovely) - although sometimes I reckon that Dave would still give that a good go if we had one...) and there are little splashes of old yellow piss giving my white tiles a speckled egg appearance in places - yuck, just yuck! 

For some reason, luckily it doesn't seem to smell in there, may be you have to leave it a bit longer to ferment in order to get that putrefying aroma that makes you want to vomit! ?

I hadn't cleaned the toilet for a couple of days (is that disgusting in itself?! ?) so thought I'd tackle the task.  I don't use toilet brushes generally because I hate the idea of them lingering around once they have been down the loo, instead, I love a bit of bleach and sometimes Harpic toilet cleaner to get rid of the limescale inside the bowl.  For the outside, I use anti-bac wipes.  I also use these all around the toilet - the tiled walls, floor, handles, the lot.  Anyway, enough of my toilet cleaning techniques!  

I decided to grab Dave's attention by singing a little rhyme:

"When you need a wee,

Please will you see,

If you can maintain dignity,

By aiming your pee!"

I think he thought that I'd gone a bit loopy or something.  Once his attention was all mine, I declared to know the answers to why, oh why can men not just piddle straight down into the toilet, flush it away and then it's gone, no splatters....  Please see his response below:

When a man has a wee, we don't just stand there waving it about to see how far we can get our wee around the room you know!  We are quite far away from the water in the bowl and sometimes it splashes up as it hits the water,  we're not like you girls who just sit there when you wee and it only has little journey to the water.

So there you have it... no mention of giving it a shake once he's finished - I feel this is probably the real reason for the splatters around my toilet although I have to say, I never gave any consideration to the 'wee hitting water and bouncing back' theory I must say...

After thinking of my little toilet rhyme, I got a bit carried away and put pen to paper to come up with a little poem, it starts off the same as above:

"When you need a wee,

Please will you see,

If you can maintain dignity,

By aiming your pee!

While Sitting on the throne,

You can chatter on the phone,

Or just sit there quietly,

And let it slip out silently.

But we don't want urine splatters,

Or any other matters,

To be anywhere but in the loo,

And that includes your poo!

Let's keep it fresh and clean,

We'll do it as a team,

No more piss stains anywhere,

Not that you will care...."